You’re Getting Older

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals

Your address app contains only name that end with M.D.

Your children begin to look middle aged

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet

You look forward to a dull evening

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

You think your not superstitious but you don’t us “13” number in you To-Do list

You now think your unbelievable high score in golf means you’re the winner.

You settle down for your :bestie” TV program – oops wrong day

Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you watch  Magic Johson reruns doing “his thing” and you’re thinking “if only I had been 6′ 9″ tall“.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who actually do exercise

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you questions

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead

You buy a compass for the dash of your car not realising the GPS has a compass built into the unit.

You realize you don’t know what a GPS is and further, you know how to turn into your driveway anyway – getting to the driveway is the hard part.

You are proud of your lawn mower then realize it is one of the “push” ones

Oh dear, your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper

You phone your local radio station to request a Mitch Millar sing-a-long and nobody has heard of such a thing.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick

You realize you’r the only one who even knows what a short-wave radio is

You make an appointment with the Dentist to fix a cavity then realize you have dentures

You have forgotten who you have loaned your tools to

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

When asked by your grandchildren, “why?”, you don’t remember

You wake up and wonder where the TV, radio and your clothes might be only to get a message from the Salvation Army folks thanking you for your generous donations

You take metal detector to the beach

You wear black socks with sandals

Your daughter -in-law explains what a “Smart TV” is and you think the unit must have some sort of brain

Not only do you not know what a remote is but you can’t find it anyway

You organize a party but forget to invite people and then you go to bed early

When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you’re down there.