You’re Getting Older
M Afton Felt archived a mountain of material including a photocopy or copy of these (author unknown).
From these copies the following:
By the way, this writer has added some additional bits
Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work
The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals
You feel like the morning after and you haven’t been anywhere
Your address app contains only name that end with M.D.
Young Folk too Old?
Your children begin to look middle aged
You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall
Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet
Fun or ??
You look forward to a dull evening
Long Time Ago
You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons
Can get go'n
You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.
Your knees buckle, and your belt won’t
Fairy Tails maybe
You think your not superstitious but you don’t
Highest score ever
You now think your unbelievable high score in golf means you’re the winner.
Back Out Again
Your back goes out more than you do
Favourite TV Show
You settle down for
Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you watch Magic Johson reruns doing “his thing” and you’re thinking “if only I had been 6′ 9″ tall“.
Good Boy Scout
That good deed for the day is suddenly remembered: The little old grey haired lady you helped across the street was your wife!
Oh, that Steak dinner
You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there
You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who actually do exercise
Rooms In the house
You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet
Answer a many
You know all the answers, but nobody asks you questions
You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead
Stomach - well ......
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room
Which Direction is North?
You buy a compass for the dash of your car not realising the GPS has a compass built into the unit.
You realize you don’t know what a GPS is and further, you know how to turn into your driveway anyway – getting to the driveway is the hard part.
Meals on Wheels
You call Meals on Wheels before they call you
You are proud of your lawn mower then realize it is one of the “push” ones
Oh dear, your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper
You are the only person singing along to the elevator music
Radio Request Show
You phone your local radio station to request a Mitch Millar sing-a-long and nobody has heard of such a thing.
You would rather go to work than stay home sick
You notice your grandchildren are not interested in a time when you had to entertain yourself
You realize you’r the only one who even knows what a short-wave radio is
You make an appointment with the Dentist to fix a cavity then realize you have
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge – you accept you can’t walk that fast anyway
You have forgotten who you have loaned your tools to
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”
You have dreams about prunes
When asked by your grandchildren, “why?”, you don’t remember
You wake up and wonder where the TV, radio and your clothes might be only to get a message from the Salvation Army folks thanking you for your generous donations
Your suits have shrunk
You return your suit to the men’s store because it has shrunk then wonder why the sales lady is confused when explaining, “But, Sir, I suits don’t shrik”
You wear black socks with sandals
You go to the photography store to get your Kodak Box Camera repaired
Remote Control Lost?
Not only do you not know what a remote is but you can’t find it anyway
You think ‘
You organize a party but forget to invite people and then you go to bed early
When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you’re down there.
Wong Car perhaps?
You get into your car wondering why it now has a child’s seat in the back and new seat covers then wonder why your key won’t fit in the ignition