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51 Signs

You’re Getting Older

M Afton Felt archived a mountain of material including a photocopy of a copy of these (author unknown). From that photocopy are these comments 

By the way, this writer has added some  additional bits

Hurts

Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work

Bifocals

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals

Morning After

You feel like the morning after and you haven’t been anywhere

Doctor

Your address app contains only name that end with M.D.

Young Folk too Old?

Your children begin to look middle aged

Wrong Location!

You finally reach the top of the ladder and find it leaning against the wrong wall

Contracts

Your mind makes contracts your body can’t meet

Fun or ??

You look forward to a dull evening

Long Time Ago

Your favorite part of the newspaper is “50 Years Ago Today”

Lights out

You turn out the lights for economic rather than romantic reasons

Can get go'n

You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going.

Belt? Ooops

Your knees buckle, and your belt won’t

Fairy Tails maybe

You think your not superstitious but you don’t us “13” number in you To-Do list

Highest score ever

You now think your unbelievable high score in golf means you’re the winner.

Back Out Again

Your back goes out more than you do

Favourite TV Show

You settle down for your :bestie” TV program – oops wrong day

Pacemaker

Your Pacemaker makes the garage doors go up when you watch  Magic Johson reruns doing “his thing” and you’re thinking “if only I had been 6′ 9″ tall“.

Good Boy Scout

That good deed for the day is suddenly remembered: The little old grey haired lady you helped across the street was your wife!

Oh, that Steak dinner

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there

Excercise

You get your exercise acting as a pallbearer for your friends who actually do exercise

Rooms In the house

You have too much room in the house and not enough in the medicine cabinet

Answer a many

You know all the answers, but nobody asks you questions

Sleep

You’re asleep, but others worry that you’re dead

Stomach - well ......

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room

Which Direction is North?

You buy a compass for the dash of your car not realising the GPS has a compass built into the unit.

GPS

You realize you don’t know what a GPS is and further, you know how to turn into your driveway anyway – getting to the driveway is the hard part.

Meals on Wheels

You call Meals on Wheels before they call you

Lawn Mower

You are proud of your lawn mower then realize it is one of the “push” ones

Newspaper

Oh dear, your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper

Music Sing-a-Long

You are the only person singing along to the elevator music

Radio Request Show

You phone your local radio station to request a Mitch Millar sing-a-long and nobody has heard of such a thing.

Work

You would rather go to work than stay home sick

Having Fun

You notice your grandchildren are not interested in a time when you had to entertain yourself

Short-wave radio

You realize you’r the only one who even knows what a short-wave radio is

Dentist

You make an appointment with the Dentist to fix a cavity then realize you have dentures

Speed Limits

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge – you accept you can’t walk that fast anyway

Tools

You have forgotten who you have loaned your tools to

Awake?

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

Dreams

You have dreams about prunes

Why?

When asked by your grandchildren, “why?”, you don’t remember

Donate

You wake up and wonder where the TV, radio and your clothes might be only to get a message from the Salvation Army folks thanking you for your generous donations

Your suits have shrunk

You return your suit to the men’s store because it has shrunk then wonder why the sales lady is confused when explaining, “But, Sir, I suits don’t shrik”

Beach

You take metal detector to the beach

Fashion Sandals

You wear black socks with sandals

Camera

You go to the photography store to get your Kodak Box Camera repaired

Television

Your daughter -in-law explains what a “Smart TV” is and you think the unit must have some sort of brain

Remote Control Lost?

Not only do you not know what a remote is but you can’t find it anyway

You Tube

You think ‘you tube” means your tube of tooth paste

Party Time

You organize a party but forget to invite people and then you go to bed early

Bend Over

When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you’re down there.

Wong Car perhaps?

You get into your car wondering why it now has a child’s seat in the back and new seat covers then wonder why your key won’t fit in the ignition

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